just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
