if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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