don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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