I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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