Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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