My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
