What a fucking waste of an outfit
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I did not marry a roomba.
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