2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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