what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
