after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
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