my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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