New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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