Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
