there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
