have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
