Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
