broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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