im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize