Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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