STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
