i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
