Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
