i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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