I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
