Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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