if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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