We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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