the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
