my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Couch. On fire.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
