im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
