The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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