so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
