whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
