Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just had sex bonerless
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
