So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
