Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
