apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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