I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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