they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
