I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize