he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
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