and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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