He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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