Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
