I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
should my penis look like a turkey
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
