I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
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You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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