When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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