I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
