Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
