somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
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At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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