Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
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oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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