Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize