she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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