I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
