Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
