he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
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I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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