well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
