Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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