How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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