Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
