I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
