so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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