And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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