and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
