I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He is an equal opportunity slut.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Threesome in a minivan. New low
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want nice things and good sex
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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