I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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