I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
