my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think I sprained my soul last night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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