I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
