What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
