Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
