Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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