$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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