What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
