if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
