puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm getting married
To pizza
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize