I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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