It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
did you just send me my own nude
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
