You just made me feel so damn special
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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