Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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