Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
