I puked a lego.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
