I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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