Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
