Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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