every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
