one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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