The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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