I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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