yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
