he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
